#DommeJokes

By Madame Margherite

A Platypus, an Armadillo & an Alligator walk into a bar; the Bartender says "Where's Madame Margherite?"...

Why did the row boat have 3 paddles?

There was a Dominatrix on board


Why can’t you trust a Dominatrix with your photographs?

She’s likely to crop them


Why did the Dominatrix put spikes on her lawn?

It was raining Men


If you ask your Dominatrix friend for advice on Men what will she tell you?

There’s more than one way to skin a Cat Caller


Why did the Dominatrix cross the road?

It was paved with Subs


What’s Kittyatrix’ favorite toy?

Cat of Nine Tails


Why does the Dominatrix have such a huge canopy bed?

She hates it when her Subs get hung up on the small stuff


Why does the Dominatrix dislike drugs?

They’re mostly pain killers


Why doesn’t the Dominatrix go fishing?

She’s more interested in Whales


Why won’t the Dominatrix let her Submissive prepare her steak?

Because his meat is never soft


Why was the musician so nervous when arriving at the Dominatrix?

He got the address from a flyer that read “Let’s Experiment with Sounds”


How’d the Dominatrix kill the Snowman?

She gave him a Golden Shower


If you play with a responsible Dominatrix, what’s one thing that’s never on the table when Sploshing?

A-salt




How did the Dominatrix lose her job at Starbucks?

Somebody asked for Whipped cream


Why doesn’t the Dominatrix mind that you’re a little Chicken?

She’s got a problem with Worms


What’s the best thing to bring a Dominatrix on a first date?

A bunch of Pansies


How does the Dominatrix save space on her farm?

She keeps the cocks in small cages


What did the Dominatrix do when a court clerk sent someone to serve her papers?

She responded with her own Sub-penis


Why not let a Dominatrix represent you in court?

She’ll be hoping for a hung jury and you’ll never get off


If your Dominatrix is an Audiophile what piece of furniture should you pretend to be?

A Subwoofer




What’s the only sport the Dominatrix is interested in?

Kick-ball


Why didn’t the Dominatrix finish her Ice Cream?

It was too Vanilla


What did the Dominatrix have for lunch?

A Sub


If the Queen of Hearts was a Dominatrix, what would her favorite band be?

Alice In Chains


Why is it unwise for a guy to compete against the Dominatrix in a stair climbing race?

She always beats Men up


Why do Locksmiths feel so threatened by the Dominatrix in town?

They know she’s a key holder


How does the Dominatrix like her greens?

Collard



How does the Dominatrix like her cream cheese?

Whipped


Why did the Dominatrix join the Military?

She wanted to be in charge of a Sub-Marine


Why did the Venusian Dominatrix visit Earth?

She wanted to see a Sub-Human


Why is it so difficult for a Sub to graduate?

They’re always Suspended


What’s an appropriate gift to give a Christian Dominatrix?

A St. Andrew’s Cross


What does the Dominatrix say to Dracula when they play?

You Suck


Why did the Dominatrix name her Sub “Royalty”?

His Prince Albert impressed her


Why does the Dominatrix go to so many dick measuring contests?

Because she’s a good ruler


If the Dominatrix was a mushroom, what kind would she be?

A fun-Gal


What did the Dominatrix call her Pet-Sub who was too afraid to swim?

Her Platypussy


Why does the Dominatrix tell so many bad jokes?

They’re Pun-ishment


Why does the Dominatrix dress her Sub up as a fancy, vibrant, Pig?

Because otherwise they’d just be a Boar


What does the Dominatrix say to reassure her partner?

He’s my Sub but your my Hero


How does the Dominatrix talk to her plants?

Dirty


Why does the Dominatrix call her Sub “Fusion-Ranch”?

They’re good at Cross-dressing


Why does the Dominatrix get so offended when someone calls her a Couch Potato?

She’s more of a Dick-tater


How did the Dominatrix get passed her problem?

She needed Sub-Traction


What do you get when you have your Submissive write a screenplay?

Sub-text


What does the Dominatrix give her Sub for his birthday instead of cake?

A Cream-Pie


What do you call a Submissive who offers sexual services to their Dominatrix’ clients?

Her Substitute


What did the Dominatrix say to her Sub when they got poop on her Strap-on?

Don’t worry, Skat happens sometimes


Why’d the Submissive sit in the Dominatrix’ garden?

She told him to Soil his pants


When a Sub doesn’t use the route the Dominatrix suggests, how do They get where They’re going?

The Subway


What’s the Dominatrix’ policy for farmer Subs?

Plow or Be Plowed


Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Bear.
 Fuzzy's Husbie had no hair...
 Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fussy, was he??
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