By Madame Margherite

A Platypus, an Armadillo & an Alligator walk into a bar; the Bartender says "Where's Madame Margherite?"...

Why did the row boat have 3 paddles?

There was a Dominatrix on board

Why can’t you trust a Dominatrix with your photographs?

She’s likely to crop them

Why did the Dominatrix put spikes on her lawn?

It was raining Men

If you ask your Dominatrix friend for advice on Men what will she tell you?

There’s more than one way to skin a Cat Caller

Why did the Dominatrix cross the road?

It was paved with Subs

What’s Kittyatrix’ favorite toy?

Cat of Nine Tails

Why does the Dominatrix have such a huge canopy bed?

She hates it when her Subs get hung up on the small stuff

Why does the Dominatrix dislike drugs?

They’re mostly pain killers

Why doesn’t the Dominatrix go fishing?

She’s more interested in Whales

Why won’t the Dominatrix let her Submissive prepare her steak?

Because his meat is never soft

Why was the musician so nervous when arriving at the Dominatrix?

He got the address from a flyer that read “Let’s Experiment with Sounds”

How’d the Dominatrix kill the Snowman?

She gave him a Golden Shower

If you play with a responsible Dominatrix, what’s one thing that’s never on the table when Sploshing?


How did the Dominatrix lose her job at Starbucks?

Somebody asked for Whipped cream

Why doesn’t the Dominatrix mind that you’re a little Chicken?

She’s got a problem with Worms

What’s the best thing to bring a Dominatrix on a first date?

A bunch of Pansies

How does the Dominatrix save space on her farm?

She keeps the cocks in small cages

What did the Dominatrix do when a court clerk sent someone to serve her papers?

She responded with her own Sub-penis

Why not let a Dominatrix represent you in court?

She’ll be hoping for a hung jury and you’ll never get off

If your Dominatrix is an Audiophile what piece of furniture should you pretend to be?

A Subwoofer

What’s the only sport the Dominatrix is interested in?


Why didn’t the Dominatrix finish her Ice Cream?

It was too Vanilla

What did the Dominatrix have for lunch?

A Sub

If the Queen of Hearts was a Dominatrix, what would her favorite band be?

Alice In Chains

Why is it unwise for a guy to compete against the Dominatrix in a stair climbing race?

She always beats Men up

Why do Locksmiths feel so threatened by the Dominatrix in town?

They know she’s a key holder

How does the Dominatrix like her greens?


How does the Dominatrix like her cream cheese?


Why did the Dominatrix join the Military?

She wanted to be in charge of a Sub-Marine

Why did the Venusian Dominatrix visit Earth?

She wanted to see a Sub-Human

Why is it so difficult for a Sub to graduate?

They’re always Suspended

What’s an appropriate gift to give a Christian Dominatrix?

A St. Andrew’s Cross

What does the Dominatrix say to Dracula when they play?

You Suck

Why did the Dominatrix name her Sub “Royalty”?

His Prince Albert impressed her

Why does the Dominatrix go to so many dick measuring contests?

Because she’s a good ruler

If the Dominatrix was a mushroom, what kind would she be?

A fun-Gal

What did the Dominatrix call her Pet-Sub who was too afraid to swim?

Her Platypussy

Why does the Dominatrix tell so many bad jokes?

They’re Pun-ishment

Why does the Dominatrix dress her Sub up as a fancy, vibrant, Pig?

Because otherwise they’d just be a Boar

What does the Dominatrix say to reassure her partner?

He’s my Sub but your my Hero

How does the Dominatrix talk to her plants?


Why does the Dominatrix call her Sub “Fusion-Ranch”?

They’re good at Cross-dressing

Why does the Dominatrix get so offended when someone calls her a Couch Potato?

She’s more of a Dick-tater

How did the Dominatrix get passed her problem?

She needed Sub-Traction

What do you get when you have your Submissive write a screenplay?


What does the Dominatrix give her Sub for his birthday instead of cake?

A Cream-Pie

What do you call a Submissive who offers sexual services to their Dominatrix’ clients?

Her Substitute

What did the Dominatrix say to her Sub when they got poop on her Strap-on?

Don’t worry, Skat happens sometimes

Why’d the Submissive sit in the Dominatrix’ garden?

She told him to Soil his pants

When a Sub doesn’t use the route the Dominatrix suggests, how do They get where They’re going?

The Subway

What’s the Dominatrix’ policy for farmer Subs?

Plow or Be Plowed

Why didn’t the Dominatrix like the vegetable her butcher brought her?

It was Meaty-Okra

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Bear.
 Fuzzy's Husbie had no hair...
 Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fussy, was he??

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